Making a switch to a minimalist lifestyle can really free up your time and money. It's lifted a huge weight of my shoulders since I made the decision. I've begun to declutter my office at work and my home.
BUT.....
If you are married with a family it can get complicated. What if you are the only one that immediately sees the benefits of the lifestyle change? What if you are not as attached to your possessions? What if your spouse and/or children just don't understand?
This can be a very touchy area. Becoming a minimalist usually goes against everything we think is the right way to live our lives in this consumerism driven society we live in here in Canada and the USA. We are bombarded by advertisements that tell us we need more, better, bigger, faster and on and on. Don't even get me started on trying to keep up with the Jonses!
I'm one who once I make up my mind to do something, I tend to jump head first into it and go for it. It may not work out but I'm not usually afraid to jump in and give it a try. A tendency my boss likes to remind me of a lot! My wife on the other hand does not really like change. Not dive in and go for it change like this anyway. She needs to think it over and understand it first.
When I first started in with becoming a minimalist, I didn't remember that. Much to my dismay. She was not into the idea at all and thought I was losing my mind. It caused quite a heated discussion in our house for sure. I was soon reminded that not everyone sees things the way I see them! So, I had to change my approach.
My new approach began with a huge apology. Then with a careful explanation that I was trying to shift our family from having to doing. Once I explained that I really wanted to do more with my family rather than just have all this stuff lying around, it began to make more sense to my wife.
I've taken a baby steps approach to the de-cluttering and given my wife the chance to adjust to my new philosophy and even to try to sell of some of our more useful items to recoup some of the cost. I decided to start slowly with the areas of our home that have a lot of extra items that are not being used or have not been used in a very long time. My closet for one, then the spare room in the basement that has become a drop point for stuff we don't know what to do with. Out grown kids clothes, toys, our old clothes that no longer fit in the closets, old paperwork. You get the idea.
At no point did I say to my wife that she must begin to de-clutter he belongings along with me. That would have been a bad idea. It's not a wise man who tells his wife what to do with her stuff. I simply told her I was going to de-clutter my closet and the spare bedroom. Once I began, she started to see that she had some stuff too that she would like to get rid of and decided to join me.
So, here are the steps that I have learned worked best for me.
Begin with yourself. You cannot force someone to de-clutter but if you lead by example, they will see how much happier you are with less and how much less stress there is by having all the extra stuff around. Eventually they may join with you and begin to de-clutter as well. I began with my closet space and my home office. Soon I will begin on the garage....that will be tough!
Talk about why. Sometimes people are resistant to change until they understand why you are trying to change. I explained to my wife that I wanted to focus on "doing" rather than "having". With less stuff in our home, we would spend less time and money cleaning and caring for our stuff and that would free up time and money for "doing".
Share your goals for the future. If you can come up with a common goal you will have much to focus on. Instead of seeing what you are losing by getting rid of a bunch of stuff, you can focus on what you will gain in the end. My wife and I want to take our kids and my parents to Mazatlan. That's a pricey plan. With selling off a lot of our stuff, we are getting closer to that goal faster. With not purchasing things for no good reason, we can save that money for the trip as well. I used to buy $20.00 worth of lottery tickets every week. Never winning anything was stressful. I decided that the $20.00 each week would add nicely to our trip fund. So, into the can it goes! A common goal will go a long way.
I have found several blog posts from fellow bloggers about this very thing and I've taken some notes and will be practicing some of the tips too. Here are a few of my favorite links that may really help you out.
Simplicity When Your Spouse Doesn’t Get It - from Becoming Minimalist
My Husband Doesn’t Understand Minimalism - from Loving Simple Living
When Your Spouse isn’t Simple - from Be More With Less
I wish you well in your de-cluttering efforts and with minimalism. Keep at it. It will come. It's not a race, it's a lifestyle.
Chris.
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